WINNERS AND LOSERS: PART 2

Part 1 began an interesting dialogue based on the book, “Secrets of the Millionaire Mind” by T. Harv Eker. As I said, while reading it, his comparisons to how rich people think to how poor people think quickly associated in my mind thinking patterns I often see as a coach that also define winning vs losing attitudes and thinking strategies. Hence, I re-read the book with my thoughts tuned in to “Winners vs. Losers” If you haven’t read Part 1 of this commentary, may be do so before continuing now.

Consciousness is the thing seldom discussed on any Forums or celebrity or popular “how to” websites that I see in our industry. Yet with the vast amount of information out there, something must be amiss for results to still elude people on such a wide scale. Consciousness and right thinking is what sets in motion the proper aspects of learning, “how to learn” for one thing, and “who to learn from” for another. Consciousness is observing your thoughts and actions so as to constantly operate from a position of true choice in the present (rather than past programming, or unsupportive programming) I would like to discuss “unsupportive” programming first of all.

The question to define is always “who am I?” vs. “who did I learn to be?” Most cannot answer the first question because they instantly respond with the second one, whether they realize it or not. This is disempowered thinking and likely to set people on a tread mill of “negative influence” that can last a life time, especially from their own minds. It is important to get to and lay bare the foundations of thought strategy for YOU as an individual. And only you can do that through serious introspection. The fact is losers think a certain way, and winners think another, and that thinking will separate the two for a lifetime. I’m not talking about contest wins or trophies. I’m talking about “spiritual genetics” if you will, that have zero to do with physical prowess or ability, and everything to do with how you will experience life.

I am a firm believer that thought consciousness either moves you toward your self and harmony or away from yourself and toward disharmony. I am often amazed at the loser thinking that I am surrounded by, from individuals who pay lip service to not being trapped in to identities; whose behaviour reflects the exact opposite. The fact is people seldom rise above their own self image no matter what they may learn or how many self help books they may read. You may “read” The Secret. But till you live it, you are only a talking possibility of may be’s.

For real winners, every vision comes with a pro-vision. This is the difference between imagery and reality. Some people lay back, close their eyes and visualize, while others stay wide awake, eyes wide open, and put thought in to action to empower themselves. Enough of this “positive thinking.” That is a trap. What winner’s know for sure is “power thinking” Positive thinking is like hearing a hurricane is coming and telling yourself over and over, “it won’t hit my house, it won’t hit my house” Sure enough the hurricane comes and either wipes out your house, or does indeed miss it. This is “circumstance” and has nothing to do with positive thinking. Power thinking is hearing a hurricane is coming and then hurricane proofing your home, storing your valuables, hitting the road till it passes, and then saving what you can from the damage. Power thinking involves actually doing something. This is self empowering. This enhances self image, long term no matter what transpires. Positive thinking is at best, wish full thinking and a “cheerleading mentality” I see this stuff all the time on various web boards and Forums.

“The Lord helps those who help themselves” Still waiting for your ship to come in? Why not swim out to it instead !!!! Like Oprah says, “luck is when opportunity meets with preparation” No where is that more important than in your current thinking strategies toward everything you do, and life in general.

The true winner is one who conquers self, and understands there will be snakes and ladders to life. One of my jobs as a coach is to try to make sure I create vict(ors) and not allow for vict(ims) Those who know me know I will not suffer fools or abide them either. There are no victims, only volunteers in terms of thought process.

Loser Mentality

While I find it much more inspiring to discuss more, how winners think, I think it is also important to delineate what loser thinking is and how it manifests. This is because I see so many people who adapt words, and spit them out, but their actions show totally self deluding thought patterns. People tell me all the time, they are not “defined by bodybuilding” yet everything they do and say after that statement suggests the opposite and they don’t see it.

This is positive thinking vs. reality thinking run amuck. It’s also classic denial. It’s time people addressed their thoughts on a deeper level to realize and to question, “Am I being genuine, or am I perfecting phonyness?” Many of you have everyone fooled, including yourself. Perfecting phonyness is the society we live in and makes your life a role of the dice and dependant on your surrounding environment rather than you creating your own environment.

So for me the top thinking strategies of loser’s begin with these three thinking strategies. They are Fear, Doubt, and Worry. And these are the greatest obstacles to success at anything. The big three make it more than likely that one will also fall prey to what everyone else may think and perceive. This is how subcultures work, including the bodybuilding subculture. It is built around both a sense of belonging and a form of thinking you are standing out, being independent. But in fact most “fear” standing out within their own subculture and just want to “fit in”

When a thought enters your head, ask yourself, where did that come from? And, is it empowering, or disempowering?

You don’t need to get all deep about “my mother never breast fed me, or my parent is an alcoholic” or whatever crap I am so tired of hearing from people. As a matter of fact, this kind of thinking creates “victims” and victims, want to be victims, that’s why they keep going back to such circular logic. Instead, ask these questions of yourself and then just label, are they Fear based, Worry based, or Doubt based on any level. If so you need to rework and re-address your thinking. Expand your world to possibilities. I’m reminded of the story I recently heard at a sermon:

Two men were out fishing one day, strangers to each other but close enough proximity to see that while one was having no luck at all, the other was catching one fish after another. Curiously though, the first fishermen noticed that the man with all the luck and ability was throwing back all the big trophy size fish, and throwing back the really small fish, but keeping only a certain sized fish. The first man wanted to know not only how he was having so much good fortune but he just had to know why the man was throwing back all those huge trophy fish. He rowed over to him and asked him directly “why are you throwing away all those huge fish, and only keeping the smaller ones?
He expected some direct and deep answer from the man who was surely far more skilled than he at fishing prowess. The fisherman looked up at him and said: “it’s simple, my frying pan is only this big”

Yes indeed even in the face of great gifts most people will not expand their thinking. Most people will never overcome their self image. Instead of buying a bigger frying pan, this man could not “see” he literally had bigger fish to fry. He could not overcome his current self image to a bigger, better, more productive result. I mean lets’ expand that thinking for a minute. Even with the talent he obviously has for fishing, a bigger frying pan, would mean, bigger fish, bigger fish would eventually mean needing a bigger boat. And while a bigger boat with bigger fish could mean a bigger life for him, he could not see beyond his current limitations.

Comfort, in what one knows and has becomes the centre of thought process and this is limited, loser thinking. Indeed the more that comfort and security to what you know becomes a priority, the greater is your marriage to fear based thought and worry. That’s loser thinking because the only surety in life is change.

A mentality that embraces change is a winner’s mentality of possibility.

Loser thinking that is based on unsupportive seeds of motivation, are self limiting and destructive. Phobias are manifestations of a fear based life and thought process. Fear, Doubt and Worry are habits. They are a loser’s habits. But we are what we consistently do and think. Even if you achieve something great within this thought process it just creates a new driving force of fear. Now you just have something else to worry about, be afraid of, and brood over. This leads to the “fear stress reducers” Eker mentions that I see all too often in my role as a coach.

As much as Fear, Doubt and Worry, are the seeds of unsupportive thought and loser thinking they lead to the fear stress reducers of practical thought. These are Blame, Justification, and Complaining. These are the triple threat of loser thinking, and usually co exist as thought strategy to excuse oneself from ever having greater expectations, and always providing a mental safety net. As I have always said, you can only expect more FOR yourself, when you expect more FROM yourself. These three huge influences on thought can tell you right away if you think like a winner or a loser. I see this mentality all the time in the bodybuilding/figure world. It is frankly quite infuriating.

Just as a small example, someone doesn’t do well in a show, step 1) blame an unsupportive spouse, blame a trainer or coach, blame an injury or sudden illness, blame the judges etc

step2) justify the placing by using statements such as, so and so is a judge and he hates me, what do you expect from these people, they don’t know how to judge, he took more stuff than I am willing to take; I know exactly what I did wrong will be better next time and

step 3) complain about all incidental moments that took you away from winning: friggin judges don’t know what they want; this is so unfair; everything was so unorganized. I was way more cut, so what if he was bigger; I have way better shape, and this is Figure, what they hell do they want?

Sound familiar.

Blame, Justification, Complaining: the three fear and stress reducers of thought based on unsupportive thought process. Whether true or false it’s loser thinking because it shows a “need” to blame, justify, and complain. The winner looks only at self and says either I was or was not better at this show than my last show. If i am going to get on stage then I have to accept all that goes with it, and support it or get out of it. Even pros don’t get it when it comes to this. Winners also ask, what is lost, what is gained, and what is learned from this experience, unto themselves and their own life circumstances.

What I hate most about loser thinking is how hypocritical it is. I have been around to see more than one competitor whine and complain constantly at each show about the judging, other competitors or whatever. Yet they come back show after show. And the cycle of whining and complaining continues. Yet when they finally win, all of sudden, the judges are right, everything is right, they were the best that night. Loser thinking at its finest. Never disrespect someone else’s accomplishments or achievements if you strive for the same.

A few years ago I overhead two of my athletes in the off season whining and complaining about how sick they are of chicken and how it is off season etc. I straightened them out with some words about loser thinking and both have gone on to become fine champions and really realize thought process, is their own strength or weakness and not determined by anyone else. You must own how you think, and what you think! Emotional immaturity is fertile ground for loser thinking. The bottom line of loser thinking regarding Blame, Justification, or Complaining, is that you never should make decisions to protect your feelings. Instead make decision that protect your future.

Remember that thinking strategy, pro-active or re-active moves you toward self, or way from self. If you feel disharmony in your life or your pursuits, change your environment and be strong enough to do so. If you catch yourself in loser thinking propositions that seem to perpetuate, then you need to also question your environment. Recently I have said and stand by it that I love bodybuilding as a pursuit, but hate it as a subculture. You may indeed need to question and get away from people who frame your thinking. You are what you think about. Think about the size of your arm, or how ripped you are, or how much you weigh or what you are wearing and you will be forever limited in spiritual and personal growth.

Focus instead on how and what you think and these other things become incidental and take care of themselves as self empowering means to an end, rather than an end in itself. Be about something for crying out loud!!! People that don't stand for something are likely to fall for anything. If there are people around you that frame your thinking in limited terms, move away from them. Yes, learning is critical but be careful who you learn from. Losers tend to gravitate more toward opinion and innuendo than to actual knowledge. Losers are more comfortable learning from friends, who will frame their thinking, and learning from those who are on their same level, rather than to seek out true teachers. I see this on the various boards all the time. Winners learn from people with high expectations. Losers are uncomfortable with that.

The bottom line is that energy is contagious, especially thought energy. Never try to change negative people or whiners or complainers. But move away from them. And do it hastily without retreat. Don’t try to change people. Let losers yell at windmills. Too many people out there succumb to loser mentality by trying to “change” people or be a force in their life, or the knight in shining armor, rescuer syndrome. That has disaster written all over it.

If you see an emotional train wreck coming, realize you are not a comic superhero and move out of the way. Stay away from dark thinkers and people with problems and drama. Instead just be the light. Darkness dissipates in light. You can’t turn dark in to light. All you can do is be a beacon of light for someone else to follow, or walk in.

As Eker says, since energy is contagious, you can “either be affected with energy, or infected by energy” He calls this measles of the mind. Just like measles negative energy infects you, but instead of itching, you get bitching, instead of scratching you get bashing, and instead of irritation you get frustration (p98)”

People will always be critical and negative. I call them the “Peanut Gallery” I do so because for me, it disempowers them, and therefore has no effect on me. Usually the people with the least to say, talk the loudest, with infectious negative energy. Be careful who you learn from. I’ve learned its all about perspective. Because I choose to learn from people I can respect and admire (beyond a 20 inch arm), I learned well. I could care less about the opinions of those who are not on my radar screen of people I respect. That would be loser thinking.

But I also learned that people I respect can disagree with me. That doesn’t make me wrong. It just adds perspective for me. I am not threatened by it, but enticed to learn more by it.

I’ve learned to go out and get myself the biggest stainless steel frying pan I can find. I may some day just land the big one.

People will comment, people will criticize, people will blame. Go out and “do” anyway. Be a winner in thought to be a winner in life. You may not be “everyone” but you are ONE ! You may not be able to do everything, but you can do something. I am telling you, that in your mind, and in your self talk lays a promise.

What is the promise in you?

How big is your frying pan? How great are your fish to fry?

Some of you will get it, some of you will not.

As far as critics, whiners, and complainers go, move away from them. You can cluck with the turkeys, or soar above like an eagle. Find your promise. Address your self talk and thinking patterns. Move away from those who frame your thinking for you.

If you are looking for a miracle in your life or someone to rescue or lead; then how about this: How about you yourself, BEING THE MIRACLE IN YOUR OWN LIFE, RESCUING YOURSELF, FIRST LAST AND ALWAYS, AND TRUSTING YOUR OWN THOUGHT PATTERNS BASED ON BEING A WINNER OF THOUGHT !!!!

Again, I caution, some of you will get it, some of you will not. More importantly some of you will go out and become it. Good luck in your journey to personal posterity, joy and a wealthy mind.

Watch out for the big three of unsupportive fear based thought patterns, and fear based stress reducing thinking patterns, of blame, justification and criticism. Remember you are responsilbe for your choices of thought, attitude and action.

The next thought about this is all yours. I welcome your "thoughts" in my Forums section