For Ladies who struggle: consider that it's time for you to STOP setting goals!
You struggle ladies because you put your mind in the wrong mental space. You keep focusing on outcomes instead of learning how to healthily embrace a process. You diet to lose weight. You don’t ‘eat right to feel better.’ You work out to burn calories and control your weight. You don’t work out to connect with yourself in a physical way. You don’t work out to appreciate all that your body can do. You don’t work out to relieve stress – for so many of you work outs become another source of stress, because you “expect” something out of them in the end. You’ve lost the capacity to eat right and work out as vehicles of self-expression of your identity. And if you aren’t careful these things often become an identity. Is that who want to be – when someone asks you who you are – do you want the truthful answer to be “I am a chronic dieter?” If that is not who you are, and not what you want – why is it your actual behavior says otherwise? If this is you – then listen up.Your focus on these short-term ‘goals’ is exhausting you mentally and emotionally and spiritually - and you don’t even consider this. What I try to teach you is let go of all that and you let go of all the pressure that comes along with this goal focus. What if instead of being “goal-focused” you choose instead to become "growth conscious”?
Look at these two columns below:
|Goal Focus||Growth Consciousness|
|Focusing on an end result or destination (like so many pounds from now)||Focusing on the journey itself|
|Motivates you and others in the short term||Matures you over the long term.|
|Cyclical and fluctuating||Life-long resource to tap into|
|Challenges you in the now||Changes you forever|
|Stops when the goal is reached, then you ask "now what?"||Keeps you growing and glowing long after the process has come to fruition.|
|Relies on the limited fuel of willpower||Relies on the endless resource of the power of will|
Take a look at the above.
Do you really want to spend your whole adult life cycling between short-term cosmetic goals and then asking yourself “now what” year after year? Or worse you end up with the same goals a year or two from now that you have already: That isn’t growth – it’s stagnation! Your life should be about how much higher and deeper you can grow yourself, not how far you can go with some short-term goal.
When it comes to your short-term goal, you need to ask yourself – Does this process grow me, or slow me? You need to remind yourself that there needs to be true meaning for you in any undertaking of which you partake. It will be difficult to remain engaged in anything for very long if you have not found a way to value and appreciate and embrace the process of it. As the old saying goes – “If your “why” is strong enough you will almost certainly be able to endure any “how” to get there.
The goal of any adult undertaking should be to take you one-step closer to self-mastery by getting to know yourself better and connect with yourself deeper. But the truth is that many of these short-term cosmetic goals you set for yourself – separate you from your authentic inner-self more and more. And before long, you forget who you even are anymore – or what you are about if you aren’t thinking about food and weight, diets and workouts. That isn’t an expanding life – it’s a more and more self-limiting and shrinking one. Is that what you want ladies?
Are you really willing to trade the rest of your life – for a life inside the thin-cage right now, or for the next little while? Again, ask yourself, “Does this goal slow me, or grow me?” when it comes to self-nurturing, self-respect, personal growth, and an enhanced sense of your own life and well-being. Is this goal of yours self-constructing, or self-destructing? Isn’t it time you at least asked yourself these questions?
Aristotle said, “mastery of self is the highest achievement.” But the thing is once you master yourself, then all these other things you are trying to master – weight-control, diet-compliance, etc. – all these things fall into place as part of self-mastery.
If you are a person who struggles, it’s likely because you have this equation upside down. You continue to think and be misled by the fitness and diet industries that tell you that if you just master your diet and your body – then you will have self-mastery and contentment. But are you experiencing contentment in your physique-transformation attempts? Or are you experiencing stress, anxiety, and pressure? Again – does your goal slow you, or grow you?
Because the real truth ladies is that when you truly master yourself, all these things like cosmetic goals become non-issues. The Tao expression is that “the person who masters self – is the only master.” So while you continue to work on outside-in “goals” like diets, and/or weight loss – without ever addressing your mental, emotional, and spiritual fitness and nutrition, you may be heading in the opposite direction of your true intentions for a lasting experience of deeper balance and well-being. You need to stop long enough to look at the bigger picture in all of this. Stop looking at the size of your thighs – and start assessing the enormity of the “sighs” that go along with that!
You can’t work on outer solutions to inner issues and expect to resolve much of anything for very long! Maybe, just maybe, it’s time to surrender these short-term goals in order to have something greater and more important.
As usual. some of you will get it.
Some of you will not.
Some of you won’t want to.