As the Holiday season approaches, I thought I’d do something special. So I decided to share with you a poem written by yours truly. This poem is written to the same metre and rhyme scheme as “Twas the Night Before Christmas”.
Tis the Season
Tis the holiday seasonBut all up in your head“How to stick to your diet”Fills you with dread
There will be parties and gatheringsFestivities and suchTemptations too manyAnd pressures too much
And websites and mediaTheir articles abound -“Be fearful this seasonLest you gain a few pounds!”
So you get out the scalesOne for the kitchen and bathYou’ll be vigilant this yearNo room for a gaffYou’ll weigh every morselAnd then yourself every mornAnd if that scales moves slightlyYou’ll meet it with scorn
Oh you’ll commit to the dietBut it won’t be a cinchAnd you’ll do what you mustBecoming a Grinch
No egg nog for youNo drinks to good cheerNot even hot chocolateNot even light beer
You’ll skip the big feastThe trimmings and pieYou pretend you don’t want itBut you know that’s a lie
Just one more temptationTo add to the pileBut do you question the costsOf such extreme self-denial?
So you sneak a few shortbreadsAware what you ateAnd then wash them all downWith a big dose of self-hate
Then you redouble your effortsYour commitment to selfBut your willpower’s shrinkingTo the size of an elf
So if that’s what it takesYou’ll try even harderYou become a slave to your dietAnd serve as its martyr!
So pile on the guiltAnd more contempt for the seasonAnd who could blame you at allBecause you have ‘such a good reason’
You’ll go hungry tomorrowYes, that’s the trick“Bah humbug” this seasonThat includes you, Ole Saint Nick!
So at the next partyYou stick to all veggies - no dips“A few moments in the mouthBut a lifetime on the hips”
That is your mottoYou remind yourself harshlyYou’ll stick to the veggiesThe garnish, and parsley
So starving you goWhile trying to be niceResisting visions of sugar plumsAnd any other food vice
But your heart is not fullOf goodwill toward menBecause your stomach is emptyAnd your cravings, X’s ten!No chocolate at allNo candy canes eitherNot even a lickOr on your thighs it will gather
So, you’re sticking to dietBut you seem to have lost all the ‘Merry”You’ll weigh in tomorrowAnd even that is quite scary
“And the gym may be closed”You hear someone say“Say it ain’t so manYou’re supposed to workout on that day!”
So instead you start hopingFor a dumping of snowYou can burn lots of caloriesIn the shovelling, you know
Now you’ve lost all perspectiveAnd something more dearNo glad tidings inside youLess love and good cheerTo all of you out thereWho want to surrender tradition,I say - you lose something far more importantThan some lame diet mission.
The Good Book teachesA time for all seasonsDon’t weigh yourself downWith lame diet reasons
Embrace the full seasonAnd all that it bringsThe food and the drinkAnd other such things
And on this diet of yoursWhat if you cheat?I say, celebrating the seasonIs not a defeat
And just put away for nowYour guilt-measuring scaleAnd if you want to, insteadHave another cider or ale
So I send you all outThis warm season’s greetingAnd I suggest to you allJust enjoy what you’re eating!
I say let go of the guiltAnd stick a fork in your dietAnd I’m sure you will like thisIf you let yourself try it
The guilt and the worryWill surely poison your moodAnd all over what?Some drink and some food?
There’s a time to make MerryTo be human as wellSo why give this all upFor some dark diet hell?
We celebrate yearlyWith food and with drinkEmbrace them both fullyIt’s time don’t you think?
Don’t you get tiredOf the same yearly game?You crave and resistAnd end up with shame
Forget all these expertsWho warn you of gainThey are part of the problemAnd cause you more pain
They tell you, “be worried,”Or you may end up fatterThey want to generate fearSo ignore all their chatter
You need not resistAnd suffer in hidingGet out there and shareIn warm joyful tidings
There is a time and a placeAnd the holiday season’s not itTo think that your dietIs something you “quit”
Raise a glass to good cheerAnd fill your plate up as wellAnd embrace all the sentimentFrom that first jingle bell
Because spiritual fitnessIs shaped in traditionsSo, embrace them in fullWithout these self-conscious restrictions
There can be food for the soulAnd for the soul, can be foodAnd there’s meaning in thatAnd I don’t want to be rudeBut there will always be timeFor the battle of the bulgeBut there should also be occasionTo most fully indulge
So here’s my ideaIt’s not so contraryIt’s is far more important – in seasonTo Eat, Drink, and be Merry!
So hear me exclaimAs I sit here and writeSeason’s Greetings to AllAnd to allA Good Bite!